Cases of gender-based violence against men are mostly underreported and go unchallenged, despite being prevalent in the society, a gender-based advocate, Mr. Ayomipo Bakare, has said.
Mr. Bakare who made this assertion in Abeokuta stated that although the issue of gender-based violence is often associated with men maltreating women, “available realities show that more men suffer abuse from women but remain silent.”
According to him, one form of domestic violence that usually goes unnoticed is verbal abuse. “Verbal abuse demoralises the victim, makes them feel less of themselves, and gradually breaks down their confidence because of the power of the tongue,” Bakare explained.
He noted that such unnoticed verbal abuse could trigger long-term behavioral deficiencies in men. “It often manifests in their relationship with children at home, attitude to co-workers, and sometimes conduct toward their bosses at work. The man is hurting, but society doesn’t see it,” he said.
The advocate also identified financial abuse as another hidden form of domestic violence against men.
He cited instances “where a wife incurs debts in her husband’s name or pressures him to meet financial demands he cannot afford, often with threats and reckless abandon.”
Mr Bakare also cited a case where some women gang raped a man and the man does not have the evidence to show but he was only assisted to get justice through the messages they exchanged with him before the act was carried out,advising men therefore to always keep records of abuse which may act as saving grace later in the future .
Mr. Bakare lamented that many men keep quiet about such abuses because of societal stigma attached to men who speak out. “Public sentiment rarely gives men the opportunity to express themselves as victims, thereby forcing them into silence. A man is told to ‘man up’ even when he is bleeding inside,” he stated.
He, however, advised men who feel choked by family pressure to seek help before the situation escalates. “Confide in trusted friends, religious leaders, or allies. Don’t bottle it up,” he counselled.
Mr.Bakare added that when men can no longer cope with domestic pressure and abuse, temporary separation may be necessary. “Taking temporary refuge elsewhere and leaving the caustic environment could prevent uncontrollable anger that may precipitate violence. It is better to walk away alive than to react and become a headline for the wrong reason,” he warned. Dr.Waheed Ogunjobi
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